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Chapter 2 - The Cost of Being Needed

My house smelled of cedar shavings and chamomile tea, exactly as it had when Sebastian was alive. But Sebastian had been buried six years ago in the cemetery behind St. Jude’s, and the house had grown overwhelmingly large, full of hollow corners that seemed to hoard the cold.

I sat in the small armchair in my bedroom, unable to sleep. My knees felt swollen beneath my trousers. When I reached down to loosen my shoe, an electric spasm shot from my hip down to my calf, forcing a strangled gasp from my throat.

*Severe localized osteoporosis,* Doctor Vance had written in my chart eight months ago. *High fracture risk in lumbar spine and left femur. Limit prolonged standing, avoid lifting loads over ten pounds, begin bi-weekly targeted physical therapy immediately.*

I had attended two sessions before Cheyenne needed to be driven to contemporary dance three afternoons a week because Theo’s work crew was on double shifts and Khloe had her boutique shifts. Then Hugo had needed tutoring pickups. Then the physical therapy co-pays had felt excessive when Theo called saying their heat pump was on the fritz.

I reached out and pulled open the lower drawer of the mahogany desk Sebastian had built forty years ago. Inside lay three neatly labeled accordion folders: *Household*, *Investments*, *Theo*.

I carried the *Theo* folder to the kitchen table, made a pot of hot water, and began spreading the papers across the laminate surface.

For six years, I had treated their household expenses as my duty. After Sebastian died, loneliness had felt like a suffocating blanket; being needed by Theo had been the only rope pulling me out of bed each morning. Two afternoons a week of babysitting had quietly metastasized into five days a week, ten hours a day. I had made their breakfasts, packed Hugo’s lunchboxes, collected Cheyenne from preschool, mopped mud from their entryway, and folded mountains of laundry.

Eventually, the invitations had stopped being requests. They had become instructions: *Mom, be here by seven tomorrow. Mom, we need dinner ready at five-thirty.*

And then there was the money.

With trembling hands, I took out a yellow legal pad and Sebastian's old solar calculator.

*April 2021: Roof replacement on Theo’s house.* Theo had sat on my porch with his head in his hands, terrified of black mold. I had written a check for $24,800 directly to the contractor out of Sebastian’s life insurance remainder.

*September 2022 to present: Cheyenne’s competitive dance tuition, recital costumes, and competition travel fees.* $620 every single month.

*Family mobile phone plan:* Theo, Khloe, and Hugo's tablet, billed directly to my credit card. $215 monthly for four consecutive years.

*Groceries:* $150 to $200 a week in meat, pantry staples, and school snacks that I bought under the pretense of "just picking up a few things for dinner."

*June 2023: Theo’s Ford F-250.* He hadn't qualified for the prime interest rate after his previous credit card default. I had signed as the primary guarantor, and when he fell behind on three installments during his slow winter season, I had paid the $780 monthly payment out of my checking account so my credit wouldn't be destroyed.

I tapped the final numbers into the calculator. The sum was staggering. Over the course of six years, I had poured more than ninety-two thousand dollars of my retirement reserves into their lives, all while ignoring the custom orthopedic recliner Doctor Vance insisted I buy, and skipping the bone-density injections that cost four hundred dollars a quarter out-of-pocket.

I had bankrolled their stability at the expense of my own skeleton.

At seven in the morning, the gray light broke over the pine trees outside. I picked up the landline receiver and dialed Newport, Oregon.

My older sister, Nora, answered on the second ring. At seventy-two, Nora had the gravelly voice of a woman who had spent forty years tending a coastal nursery and didn't care who heard her speak her mind.

"Camila?" Nora said immediately. "Why are you calling before eight? Are your bones giving you hell again?"

"Nora," I whispered, and to my shame, my voice cracked into a jagged sob.

A pause hummed over the line, heavy with sisterly instinct. "What did they do to you?"

"Theo threw me out. Last night. Over Thanksgiving dinner."

Nora inhaled sharply. "And the princess?"

"She told me I wasn't welcome. Theo told me to apologize to her or leave and never come back."

"Good God in heaven," Nora murmured. Then her voice turned to granite. "Is your car running?"

"Yes."

"Is my guesthouse still clean and empty?"

"You know it is."

"Pack your warm coats, Camila. Pack your medical records, your husband’s papers, and every stitch of clothing you own. I am turning the heater on in the guest cottage right now. You are coming to Oregon."

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"Nora, I have appointments... the children..."

"Camila Ruth, listen to me," Nora barked, her voice softening just at the edges. "You have spent six years letting

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